Welcome back! This post is a continuation from the last - a full blow-by-blow of our experience at one of South Africa’s restaurants ranked in the Top 100 of the whole world. This is written at the request of fellow sailing friends Pete and Jen who were at the time far out to sea and longed for the finer dining of land, and based upon Pete’s claim that their menu was different from ours. If you need to read the first half of the experience click this link to go back.

Without further ado:

La Colombe Full Report – The Fish Course

Next course, we were offered a choice between an Arde & Hemmel grown pinot noir, or a chardonnay to go with our fish course.  Andrew loves pinot noir so he jumped straight to that, and I decided that we should try both, so I chose the chardonnay.  The pinot noir was nice, a light, dry pinot with the traditional nose of tobacco and cedar, the flavor of mineral, black cherry, currant, and pencil shavings.  The chardonnay was oaked, perfectly so for my taste. At the front end, the flavor of papaya and green apple, a long finish with vanilla, cream, and at the very end if you were patient enough, the sweetness of butterscotch. Mmmmmhmmmm.

This was paired with the fish course which involved many, complimentary but distinguishable components arranged like a modern art painting. As it is set before you, you can’t help but lean over and exclaim “Look at that!…what is is?”

The center feature was smoky, roasted longastino, (sweet, tender miniature lobster tails).  They were nestled along side tender, crisp spring pea pods and pea stems. There were two small “flavor-blops” one made with pureed coriander leaves and labneh (Greek yogurt strained another 24 – 48 hours for an even drier, denser yogurt crème), and the other made with sweet, pureed corn and labneh. There were two slices of whole corn kernels, seared or roasted, and as tender, sweet, and juicy as you could ever expect from corn.

This plate also included chicken breast, more dry compared to the longastino and this created one of the texture distinctions that made the melt in your mouth, buttery, sweet longastino contrast with something more substantial. The chicken breast was just-brushed with a barbeque sauce thick enough to be flavorful, obviously reduced substantially through long oven roasting, but not overwhelming. 

There was a plop of savory, rich foam made of poultry stock, with drops of chive oil. 

Then, there were small balls of pickled cucumber and a bright purple slice of pickled red onion. 

To top this all off, there was a strange little fried crisp thing made with rice puffs in the middle, bringing a salty crunch of seaweed to the overall dish. 

The sum experience can only be described as “textured”: pop, crisp, crunch, melt in your mouth meat, dry but tender meat, fluffy foam, dense cream.  A LOT going on here with this plate. The complexity begs you to take it slow and enjoy the individuality of each piece as well as the harmony they bring together as a full choir.

 There was a pause in the action after this dish, and our server had the opportunity to notice the very fashionable jacket I happened to be wearing. “That looks fantastic on you! Did you get that here?” He asked.

 “I did! Thank you, I love this jacket.  It is one of my favorite pieces of my whole wardrobe!” Never mind that my wardrobe is mostly comprised of flipflops and “engine room shorts;” this jacket would be my favorite even in a more fashionable wardrobe.

 “I think it’s great you are taking a piece of Africa’s fashion to show everyone at home.” 

“Me, too!” I said. (Thanks, Jen.  It’s still generous that you led me to buy this jacket rather than adding it to your own wardrobe instead.)

La Colombe Full Report – Palate Cleanser

At this point, our server poured us a nice extra portion of the pinot noir and the chardonnay.  I think it was offered based on his approval of my fashion sense. We sipped our lovely wines and took note of the ambiance. 

Our lunch started at 12:30, and the restaurant was quiet with a few tables seated.  By this point in time the full lunch crowd had arrived and the entire restaurant was full of people enjoying each other’s company and experiencing the awe of this perfectly guided meal. 

Outside, it was a rainy, blustery day and the clouds swirled around that steep cliffside facing the restaurant. Eucalyptus (or as you guys say Blue Gum) Trees were being tossed around outside, with their red, white, and grey barks and stems, green and silver leaves tossed on Cape Town winds. The white slats of the windows in rows broke up the white-grey lighting, softening it into angles backlighting the glasses of wine in the hands of diners seated near the windows. The colors of the red pinot gris, golden chardonnays caught your eye as they were lifted, inspected, swirled, and sipped. The skylight window added light to the back half of the room supporting the shadows that played along the edges of the white painted wood farm roof boards.

“Lord, I wish I had my real camera,” I told Andrew.  I’d hide behind that potted plant in the reflecting bowl and take surreptitious pictures of find diners.”

“Because that wouldn’t be weird at all.” Andrew said.

He’s probably right.

 Just as we finished our wine, the snow cone cart arrived. A row of marigolds blocked my view of the woman’s series of syrups and bowls, but we could see the clear block of ice pinned against the hand-cranked ice shaver.  The woman turned the handle to drop shards of ice from block to two tiny black, ceramic cones. “We have an option of apple with lemon verbena, strawberry with mint, or pineapple with caviar.”

 Andrew chose strawberry with mint.  The apple with verbena sounded divine, but the pineapple with caviar sounded weird. I can imagine what apple with verbena would taste like. I cannot begin to build a theory about pineapple and caviar… in a snowcone?  It is for this reason that I decide to go with pineapple and caviar.  

The woman pours her syrups as we selected, tops our cones with fresh, ripe fruit, and then for me – a spoonful of golden orange caviar.

She hands them over, and we slip a tiny silver spoon into the cone. The pineapple was bright and rich and sweet, the shaved ice cold, crisp and layered like snowflakes, and the caviar added that “pop!” caviar is known to do. The caviar served as the “salty” in the always pleasant “salty-sweet” profile. It was not an especially fishy variety of caviar, and so, it tasted lovely and not weird at all.

 Andrew approved of his Strawberry and Mint.

I know you guys had to have had snowcones!  Which flavors did you choose?” I asked Pete and Jen at the end of this course.

Recall, dear reader, that this whole Blow-By-Blow extravaganza was originally sent via satellite phone, without photographs, and over communication technology that moves text-only at speeds comparable to Early 90s dial up. So, like the meal itself, I split the description of each course into it’s own small missive and cast it across the waves like a message in a bottle.

La Colombe Full Report - The Wygou Course

This course began with the presentation of a fork with its handle carved to look like a stick, and two knives hand built by a local blacksmith named “Koch”.  Mine had been acid etched with a pattern of leaves.  Andrew’s had been hand hammered and demonstrated a perfect hand-balance.  Andrew laid it on his finger at the point the handle and blade met, and there it sat effortlessly suspended in space. It was a joy to see this particular bit of art and skill in action, especially when juxtaposed to my knife, which did not happen to achieve those great aspirations.

They served this course on a round ceramic plate, perfectly flat and a pleasing sea blue-green color. The meal was placed in the center with a neon orange carrot puree encircling the whole. A seared, Wygou beef important from Japan took center stage. It was presented medium rare with the rich, golden umami delivering sear taking the flavor stage above all. This meat was firm, and while tender it had quite a bit of structure. Next to it was a braised Wygou shortrib in light but sweet barbeque sauce.  This meat melted in your mouth as a contrast.

All this was served with toasted pine nuts, a cylinder of what must have been a golden potato seared on one end to a crisp, but soft everywhere else, pickled onion, pickled coriander seeds, coriander-labneh cream, and a balsamic sauce. This was topped with a neon orange, deep fried carrot “sculpture”.

The wine pairing was a blend of 65% Cabernet Franc, 30% Merlot and 5% Cabernet Sauvignon, Taaisbosch, Crescendo, 2018: “the ultimate expression of high-altitude Cabernet Franc from prime Helderberg terroir.” It was styled like a Bordeaux: cassis, blackberry, dark cherry – the dry black and red fruits – vanilla, coffee bean, black pepper…mmm…hello.  Perfect pairing for a Wygou.

La Colombe Full Report - Palate Clenser #2

 Time to clean the palate again!

Always room for more bubbly, yes? Pieter Ferreria MCC 2015 from the Western Cape, Elgin & Slanghoek Valley, it was a pinot noir based bubbly. The flavor was light and lovely, bringing the flavor of cherries pinot noir is known for, but it was the color most remarkable for me. It was pink, but with the soft earth tones of the red desert I know you guys have in Australia and made me think of Moab in Utah. Very pretty. 

I was admiring the color of the bubbles about the time a man arrives at our table with another wheeled cart for what on the menu was listed as the “Rose, Coconut, Cashew.” On the cart is a vase carrying two bright yellow roses with red edges atop their petals. “Okay, I have 20 seconds to make this, and you have only 10 seconds to eat it,” he told us. 

He removed the roses from their vase by their stems and tipped them upside down in a bowl that starts billowing with mist and clouds.  He yanks them out, puts them back in their holder, then tips a spoonful of candied cashew crumbles between the petals.  He builds a topping of foam that is deeply rich and sweet with coconut milk.  Then, he passes them across the table to us.

 As instructed, we bite in. 

 The roses were dipped into liquid nitrogen, and so they were chilled through.  The petals were feather soft, but had the bite and texture of thick, tender leaves. Maybe I can compare it to the center of an artichoke? Their flavor, obviously that of rose but not overpoweringly so. The candied cashews added sweetness and crunch, the coconut milk foam a creamy nutty flavor.

I loved this dish for the performance art and the flavor. It all happened so fast, though, this felt like the rollercoaster ride of my dining experience.  Wild. Fast. Scenic. Breathtaking. It was so exciting, it left you giggling as you walked away, reliving the experience with your fellow coaster-riders.

 A sip of the bubbly rose was a perfect chaser, causing the creamy coconut flavor to billow to the surface of your palate for a second time. The yellow rose next to the Earth-Pink champagne was visually beautiful.

 La Colombe Full Report: Dessert

As if that rose business wasn’t enough, we moved onto the dessert course. Andrew declared this dish his absolute favorite, and I wouldn’t blame him.  It was delicious.

 We started with a dessert wine that poured like liquid gold and carried the same color. Glenwood Grand Duc Nobeless, 2017, made from grapes left long on the vine until the winter harvest. Tangy & Sweet, it carried the flavors of pineapple, lime leaf, and hazelnut for me. 

 After sipping on this wine for a few moments, our servers presented us with a wooden box filled with rocks, moss, dried slices of citrus, fynbos flowers, and dry ice to create a slow billowing mist. This “scenery” if you will was topped with a clear glass plate. 

 Arranged on the clear glass plate was a “Mandarin Orange” built of white chocolate, jivara chocolate, and sugared pistachio. These ingredients were alternated inside the “orange” to create “sections” just like a real orange would have. I’m sure these were built of purees, frozen into shape just like the “tomato” was in our earlier course.  Then, they were covered with a white chocolate shell colored bright orange just like a Mandarin Orange would be. This main affair was accompanied by an orange sorbet atop a sweet crumb, candied pistachios, and a marmalade preserve.

HEAVEN.

 La Colombe Full Report - The Coffee Course

And now, the Coffee Course.

 Andrew ordered a cappuccino, and I made a grave error of ordering a double espresso at what turned out to be like 5:00 p.m. How in the world did we start lunch at 12:30 and stretch it out to 5:00 p.m.?  But we did.

Our coffees were served in a blue green stoneware they warmed up a bit to make sure our coffees remained hot through the full length of our consumption. I appreciate this, because I enjoy a hot coffee sipped slowly. 

But, this is La Colombe. You don’t think you are getting just a mug of coffee for your “coffee course”, do you?

Soon, a pure white, ceramic beehive etched with bees on the outside was presented. The server lifted one section of the beehive at a time to reveal small, sweet morsels to pair with our rich, bitter coffee. We found cookies filled with honey collected from the Silvermist property and topped with gold dust in the shape of a honeycomb. A second plate held a meringue cookie executed far more fashionably than Leslie’s Christmas Meringue Disaster of 2021; and finally, a yellow and black stripped chocolate, made to remind you of the honeybees that might live in this here porcelain beehive.

 Upon completion of this course, we patted our bellies and enjoyed the deep satisfaction that comes from a perfect meal.

 Andrew, fearing what the bill might entail thought he needed a shot of tequila to get him through, so he ordered a passionfruit margarita from the bar.  Kind of a strange way to top this whole thing off, but a very Oddgodfrey thing to do, I suppose.

…and then they brought the bill.

I, personally, had zero buyers’ remorse whatsoever. You’d already warned me of that experience, and by the time I’d committed to the experience, I’d already emotionally worked through the implications of all that entailed. Besides, between the strong dollar and the generally lower pricing for dining in Cape Town, I think this experience tallied in at 25% of the cost for a similar experience in California, New York, London, Paris, etc. Totally worth it.

Andrew…had his tequila!

So, he paid up, and we left. 

On our way out the door, they presented us with a chocolate mint tucked into an orgami dove made from the same papers that had the chef’s welcome note on it. 

The End.

With the last email sent, I sat back in my beanbag aboard Sonrisa, patting my own belly a second time in satisfaction of the lovely experience I enjoyed a second time while writing about it. (And now a third time while converting the experience to this blog post.)

Then, my phone pings with a new email from Pete:

 That devil!