Hatches:
Fred and Wilma Sea Tern Family Welcome Their New Addition
Speckley McFuzzfuzz Sea Tern “McFuzz” hatched on July 14, 2020, at 6:40 a.m. to the proud parents, Fred and Wilma Sea Turn. Smaller than the palm of one’s hand, and weighing in at a healthy few grams, McFuzz is enjoying naps in the soft white sand and warm sun of his nursery. While the whole fleet of Sea Terns are standing watch, they are welcoming visitors so long as they keep a respectful distance. The ladies guild is preparing sardine casserole to deliver to the new parents, knowing they will have their wings full in a few weeks time. If you’d like to make a donation to McFuzz’s flight school fund, you may donate your feathers to Wings and Things: Bank of Temperate Springs: Account Referral, McFuzz.
The Society of Sea Turtles Invites Review and Comment on Hatching Pit Selection Rules and Regulations for 2020
The Society of Sea Turtles has conducted their annual meeting to review and revise regulations regarding hatching pit placement and selection. The pits have been visited by lead committee members and are confirmed ready for use this season, especially on “Turtle Island,” where the Committee has negotiated a cooperative use pact with the Frigate and Sea Booby Bird Collective.
“It was quite an extensive effort from all sides, but in the end, I think we were able to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.” Howard Highlove, owner of Highlove Turtlepitz explained. “The Frigates agreed to circle Ile Fouquette and focus their hunting elsewhere this year.”
“I think they will stick by the agreement. They have plenty of hunting territory beyond Turtle Island to keep their team well-fed. There is no need to cause trouble for our little hatchlings.” Tate “Tater” Flipperson, counsel for HIghlove Turtlepitz confirmed.
But several Sea Turtle Families have expressed concern. “Turtle Island is nowhere near large enough to accommodate all the hatching pits we need. What happens to all of those unfortunate babies who are forced to start their life on other islands where the Frigates have been redirected?” Bob and Donna Egglet queried. “Think of the children!”
“You don’t want to wait, this year. Shelley Slowmo, 2020 Committee Lead commented. “We have only a few hatching pits available with those stunning views from Turtle Island. We’ve already begun laying tracks from sea to hatching pit, so if you have limited mobility or challenges with eyesight, our paths will lead you straight to your personalized hatching pit. These prime locations will not last long, it will be best to reserve your hatching pit as soon as possible.” If you have input or comments, the meeting will be held on September 1, 2020, or if you are interested in the use of any hatching pit, please contact Shelley Slowmo to make a reservation.
Matches
Hermit Crab Seeks Larger Shell
Hermit The Crab seeks larger shell to grow into. Hermit would prefer a shell with excellent gloss, in good condition; he is not mechanically inclined, and does not wish to spend time on a fixer-upper. He spends most of his time in sand, and therefore a shell with a color scheme to match his surroundings is preferred. He currently wears a size six, which is for sale, but he is also open to trade if another crab would prefer. He attended last week’s shell-swap without luck. If you have any leads, or if you would like to join the crab-pool to visit the big City on Bottam Island, please contact the Editor for reservations.
Dispatches
The Untimely Demise of Foghorn Leghorn, the Wind Chicken
Foghorn Leghorn, The Wind Chicken, has gone missing. Believed to be captured by a gang members of The Nefarious Red Footed Boobies, a search has been ongoing since July 16, 2020, but no evidence of Mr. Leghorn’s whereabouts has come to light.
Photoed here: Mr. Leghorn, on a sunnier day.
“It started just after dark. We were sitting below in Sonrisa’s salon hiding from inclement weather and playing a game of Two-Man Kalookie (Scottish-Australian Rules). A loud “TWAAAYYYANG! and a thud on deck startled us, and we ran outside to see what had happened.” Leslie Godfrey, crew member of S/V Sonrisa and friend to Mr. Leghorn explained.
“Out on deck, we found a large, white-feathered boobie who seemed disoriented and out of sorts.” Andrew Godfrey, S/V Sonrisa’s Captain stated when asked about the night in question. “It was rather rainy, and he struggled to gain his footing. I reached out my hand to help him and he climbed onto my wrist. He seemed to shake his head, gather his wits, and then he flew away. That was the last I expected to see of him. Unfortunately, that was just the start.”
The self-styled “Odd” Godfreys returned below to finish their game of cards when an onslaught of birds began flying inward, pummeling the sailing vessel with both kamakazi style suicide missions and biological weapons stored in their gullet.
“They would fly into any surface. Some of them even flew into the side of Sonrisa's hull. They would get tangled in the dodger and the bimini, trapped in the cockpit, confused by the clear windows. I wanted to help." Mr. Godfrey said.
A WARNING FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS: Andrew is running around in nothing but his skivvies.
“They seemed so pathetic. At first, I thought they needed help.” Leslie explained. “They could not stand on their own two feet.” As though flat and stable surfaces were designed to throw them thither, red-webbed feet with talons scrabbled and scratched at any surface they could find. Their vomit laid in piles all around Sonrisa's deck, small fish, eyeballs in tact, week old squid complete with squirming parasites.
“It was disgusting." Andrew confirmed.
The crew of S/V Sonrisa radioed the anchorage appealing for reinforcements, but only howls of fear echoed across the water. Steel Sapphire, too, was under attack. “At first, it sounded like the birds were teradactyls, straight out of the Jurassic era, but the terror of this sound was only matched by the howling and wailing of Pete, aboard Steel Sapphire when one chased him into his cockpit enclosure.” Leslie said.
WARNING TO SENSITIVE READERS: Pete has a potty-mouth. There are TWO F-Bombs in this video.
“He was so terrified, he left zipped me outside to fend for myself!” said Jennifer Bernard, 1st Mate aboard Steel Sapphire and crew member responsible for removing all unwanted guests.
“I knew we were in trouble when they began to try to break in.” Leslie confirmed.
NOTICE TO SENSITIVE VIEWERS: It’s a miracle that I did NOT drop an F-Bomb while a giant sea bird was vomited on top of my head.
“After the attack, Leslie spent hours wandering around the boat searching for a pile of bird vomit we had not yet found and cleaned up.” Andrew said.
“It continued to smell so terribly, everywhere I went. It’s like the stench was following me around! And yet, I could not find anything…until I reached my hand to the top of my head. I asked Andrew to smell my hair.”
“It was disgusting.” Andrew confirmed.
In the hopes of deploying a cloak of invisibility, all three boats in the anchorage agreed to turn off all lights aboard their vessels. This seemed to confuse the boobies, and the onslaught relented. Leslie showered, and it seemed all came through the attack unscathed. “It wasn’t until the next morning that we realized Foghorn Leghorn was missing.” Andrew said. “We are heart broken.”
The Gang of Redfooted Boobies were contacted for comment, but declined to make a statement on instruction of legal counsel.
In fact, most just flew away.
Mr. Leghorn joined the Oddgodfrey crew in October of 2014. He was responsible for monitoring the direction of the wind and confirming the proper trim of Sonrisa's sails. He loved a brisk beam reach, and laughed in the face of headwinds. He specialized in measuring the exact moment an accidental jybe might occur, and received the Distinguished Wind Chicken Award in 2016 for his preventative efforts. Beloved by all aboard S/V Sonrisa, he is sorely missed.
At the time of his disappearance, he had no electronics in his possession which might allow location tracking. No contact has been received, and no ransom demanded. At this point, Mr. Leghorn is presumed dead. If you have any information about his whereabouts, please contact Leslie Godfrey at your earliest convenience. An award may be paid for the successful recovery of Mr. Leghorn.
Mr Leghorn photographed “at work” on passage from Sri Lanka to the Maldives.